Preparing your older child for a new baby

To prepare your older child, tell them about the pregnancy around the middle, with simple words, and involve them: choosing a name, feeling the kicks, looking at their own baby photos. The idea isn't to explain everything at once, but to help them understand, gently, that they keep their full place.

When and how do you share the news?

There's no need to announce it too early: for a young child, nine months is an eternity. It's suggested to wait around the second trimester of pregnancy, when the arrival becomes a little more concrete and the belly starts to round out.

As for the words, keep them simple and warm. You can pair the announcement with small gestures that make things real: reading them stories about babies being born and about the role of big brother or big sister, showing them photos of when they were a baby, telling them about their own birth. This helps them understand their place and what the family will live through.

How do you involve them during pregnancy?

A child who takes part feels like a participant, not a spectator. And a participating child feels less threatened. Here are a few very simple ideas to pick from according to their age:

1. Ask them to help you choose a name, or clothes for the future baby.
2. Put their hand on your belly so they can feel the kicks.
3. Look at their own baby photos together, and tell them about their birth.
4. Read stories about a baby arriving in a family.
5. Let them prepare a little corner or an object to welcome the baby.
6. Take them to choose, and give themselves, the future baby's lovey.

If you keep only one, make it the lovey. Take your older child to choose it at the store, then let them give it to the baby as a gift that's truly theirs. It's no longer a present from the parents, it's theirs. They feel responsible for a small part of this big arrival, and truly part of the change rather than a spectator. For the parent alongside them, it's also one of those tiny, tender moments you remember for a long time.

The point isn't to tick everything off. It's to weave, week after week, the idea that this baby is part of their story too.

And the first days, when you're away?

The moment of the birth can unsettle the older child, because you're away. There's a lovely idea to soften this passage: before you leave, give them a little box containing a family photo, a small note from the baby, a big-brother or big-sister certificate, and a scarf that carries your scent.

This box reassures, and it helps them have a more positive attitude when the baby comes home. One detail that matters too: as much as possible, it's better for the older child to stay with you rather than be sent away. Left with grandparents while you're with the baby, they may feel even more excluded. The ideal is to ask for help at home.

How do you reassure them once the baby is here?

The sentence that does all the work is telling them you love them as much as before. There's a very vivid image: explain that while your belly was growing, your heart was growing too, so it could be big enough to hold all the love you have for them and for the baby.

Think too about keeping a steady course. The advice is to maintain their routine as best you can so they don't lose their bearings. The evening ritual in particular becomes a reassuring fixed point when everything else is changing. And give them little moments just for them: a small special moment every day is more beneficial than one long stretch on the weekend.

Should you give them a big-kid role?

Yes, but without pushing them to grow up too fast. Trusting them with small responsibilities helps them feel useful: fetching a washcloth, choosing an outfit for the baby. Still, it's worth letting your older child live like a child their own age. Becoming the older sibling doesn't mean they have to think like a grown-up. They have the right to stay little, with their own needs.