The bedtime routine at ages 4-5

At 4-5, children want to do everything "by themselves" and negotiate more. The right instinct: keep the evening routine short and stable, but hand them steps to lead on their own. You give them a little power over how it unfolds, without letting go of the frame. It's that mix that settles the evenings.

What changes at 4-5?

The child is growing, their language is exploding, and so is their drive for autonomy. They put on their pyjamas alone, choose their story, want to decide. It's a wonderful stage, but it also shows up at bedtime, sometimes as endless negotiations.

The answer isn't to toughen up. It's to keep a familiar routine. Experts recommend a routine that is the same from one day to the next, and note that the older your child gets, the more autonomy you can give them during the bedtime routine. A stable frame, freedom in the details: that's the balance.

How do you give them a little autonomy?

The trick is to turn the steps into small responsibilities. Children love being "the big one" who runs their own evening. A few simple ideas:

1. They choose their pyjamas and put them on alone.
2. They pick the bedtime story from two options.
3. They settle in and turn the pages, or start the story to listen to themselves.
4. They decide the order of the cuddle and the kiss, within the limits of the routine.
5. Lights out at the planned time, that part isn't up for negotiation.

By leaving them these little choices, you meet their need to grow up. And since the frame stays fixed, they keep their bearings. Experts note as much: a child who knows their routine well can go through the various steps without resisting.

How do you defuse the "one more story"?

It's the great classic of this age. The key: announce the frame before, not during. Decide the number of stories in advance, say it, and give a warning when the end is coming. Experts suggest letting the child know when only 5 minutes are left.

Also keep control of the time without showing it. Experts warn: don't be too eager to finish the routine, because your child will sense your impatience. In other words, you hold the frame, but you stay relaxed. The child feels the difference.

And the hour before bed?

It's better kept calm. Experts advise that the hour before bed should unfold calmly, avoiding games that wind children up and screens on the home stretch. At 4-5, one wild game just before bed, and you're off for another twenty minutes of energy.

A calm story makes an excellent transition. As pediatric guidance points out, what soothes first is the voice: even if the content isn't grasped, the musicality of the language does its job. Read or listened to, it helps the child wind down gently.