How to set up a bedtime routine, step by step

To set up a bedtime routine, choose three or four calm steps, always in the same order, and stick to them every evening. Bath or teeth, pyjamas, the lights going down, a story, a cuddle. It is short, it is predictable, and it is that repetition that eventually settles the calm.

Where do you start from scratch?

We sometimes imagine that a routine can be decreed in a single evening. In reality, it is laid down. You take a few simple steps, you put them in a fixed order, and you let the habit do its work.

What matters is regularity, not perfection. Naître et grandir, a Quebec website about child development, sums it up well: a good bedtime routine “is fairly short (15 to 20 minutes) and is the same from one day to the next”. Hold on to those two ideas: short, and the same. Everything else adapts to your child and your home.

Which steps should you choose for the routine?

Here is a starting framework. Keep its spirit, adjust the details. The idea is not to tick every box, but to chain together cues your child will recognise night after night.

1. An end-of-day signal: the bath, or simply brushing teeth.
2. Pyjamas, then dim the lights. The half-light already announces the night.
3. A story, read or listened to, both of you settled in comfortably.
4. A cuddle and a gentle word, the same one if you can.
5. Lights out, and you stick to what was planned.

The pediatricians of the AFPA, the French association of ambulatory pediatrics, explain why this fixed order works: “by repeating the same gestures every evening, you create a soothing, trusting atmosphere”. Your child doesn't have to guess what comes next. They know. And that is reassuring.

When should you fit this routine in?

The hour before bed sets the tone. For Naître et grandir, “the hour before bedtime should unfold calmly”. In practice, you avoid games that wind children up, dashes down the hallway, last-minute tickling.

As for timing, aim for regularity rather than a perfect hour. The French national health insurance (Assurance Maladie) recommends “regular bed and wake times, even at the weekend”. That isn't always doable, and that's fine. It is the general trend that helps a child's body find its rhythm.

And the place of the story?

It has a real place, and not only for the pleasure of it. The bedtime story is among the steps the authorities recommend: to help a child sleep well, Assurance Maladie mentions “reading a story, having a cuddle”.

If you're worn out in the evening, good news. What works first is the voice. The pediatrician Marie-Josèphe Challamel notes it: “even if the content isn't grasped, the musicality of language is at work”. An audio story can take on this role while you stay close to your child for the cuddle.

How do you keep the routine going over time?

The first few evenings may be hit and miss. That's normal. The habit settles through repetition, not overnight. Two reflexes help a lot.

The first: warn your child that the end is coming. Naître et grandir suggests letting them know “when only 5 minutes are left”. It saves a lot of negotiating at lights-out. The second: limit screens on the home stretch. Assurance Maladie advises “switching off your mobile phone, computer and television one to two hours before going to bed”. A calm story replaces the evening tablet beautifully.